Thursday, 26 February 2009

Heaven nose I'm mooserable now....

I went to the doctor yesterday. Bad news I'm afraid. Apparently I might be lactose intolerant.

For as long as I can remember I have carried a handkerchief as a result of my nose running endlessly. Last year I'd had enough, and went to the doctor to try and work out what was wrong with me. My septum was so deviated from various bashes that my right nostril was pretty much closed up, on top of which I had several polyps, little mucus producing gribblers, taking up residence in my nose - sexy, yes? In June I had the septum straightened and the polyps removed. This made little or no difference.

So yesterday I went to a complementary medicine clinic where I had my toe prodded to see what I was allergic to. As feared, I was told to avoid dairy completely for 4 weeks and see what happens. That means no milk, no butter, no cheese, no fun. Breakfast is a complete nightmare - no cereal, obviously. No butter on toast - I am quite fond of Tahini as a good alternative but there is only so much peanut butter (Tahini's 1st cousin) and jam a man can eat. No yoghurt and muesli, no tea with milk in it. Lunch is more manageable. Indeed as I write there is a carrot and coriander soup bubbling away next door. But no swirl of cream on top of that for the Larder Lout.

It's the cheese that I'm really, really going to miss. Cheese on toast for lunch, generous snowdrifts of Parmesan on a bowl of pasta, a chunk of maturest cheddar and a nip of peaty whisky on a cold night, oozy bits of brie flopping lazily on hunks of french bread whilst sitting in the August sun with a cold glass of rose. Were this parchment I was writing on and not a blog, it would be stained with my teardrops.

So I'm in a bit of quandary guys, and urgently needing cooking suggestions. It's not that I relied on dairy products before particularly, it's just that now I'm not allowed them, they're all I can think about. The only upside is the benefit to my health. No dairy for a month, coupled with being off beer and cider for lent should do wonders...

So people, throw some thoughts my way - you, friends, family with the same problem, fave recipes, when you stop having cheese nightmares, that kind of thing...would be good to know.

Ciao for now.


  1. Hey, poor you. But life isn't over. There's wine for a start. And steak, chocolate and Thai green curry (coconut milk is fine).

    Think ethnic rather than British. South-east Asian (Thai, Vietnamese, Malay) doesn't have dairy. It's virtually non-existent in Japan (non-stop sushi, noodles . . . ) Middle eastern and Moroccan food is practically dairy free if you keep off the yoghurt and even that can be replaced by soy yoghurt (fine if you add garlic and mint)

    Cheer up! You'll be fine . . .

  2. If it's lactose you're staying off you'll have to delve into the wonders of various animal milk cheeses- goats, ewes, horses (saw this on the F-word!). I don't envy you trying the last one! Again, if its lactose you're avoiding, can still eat buffalo mozzerella- so pizza is still on! Just think of this as a method of expanding your culinary mind :)

  3. Unfortunately I've been told specifically to avoid goat and ewe's milk too...I'm fairly sure buffalos will fall under this category too, being rather closely related to our dear moo-cows....

    Not finding the cooking side of things too hard, as it turns out - shopping is tricky as so many things have lactose in that you wouldn't suspect - certain chorizos, jams, you name it....

  4. Oh dear, poor you! My Dad has a lactose intolerance though he finds that he has a certain amount of tolerance before it starts to cause problems (usually tummy aches in his case) so he's allowed a bit of cheese now and then. I'll ask him what he recommends as a fellow milk dodger. I know he sometimes buys lactofree milk from the supermarket. I'm asthmatic and I've been advised to avoid dairy products (which are mucus forming - sexy!) when I'm ill so I can sympathise to an extent. My Mum is gluten intolerant so you can imagine how many labels we have to read at the supermarket! Keep up the good work!